Back to top

Day14: Choices I did not choose

yoko katz October 22, 2014 4 comments
The picture of our homemade ghost when my son was in pre-school. The head is made with super-market plastic bag filled with newspaper. 自分の家で息子がまだ幼稚園の時に一緒に作ったゴーストのハロウィンの飾り物。それ以来毎年飾っている。頭は スーパーの袋に新聞紙が丸めて入っている。

I had choices to make my IV injection easier: a port or Picc Line.

I decided not to do either one. That means every time I do any IV injection, I have to cross my fingers that a nurse will insert an initial IV tip well at one try. Otherwise, I will feel horrible during that chemo, which can last up to 4 hours each time.

My 3rd chemotherapy, I had a horrible experience with a young nurse. She tried twice and failed to insert the tip. Then a veteran nurse jumped in and saved my situation. However, each failed insertion means they can no longer use closely connected veins that are linked to the failed parts.

I can only use my right arm for my IV injection. In fact, for basal examinations, shots, or blood samples I will have to use only my right arm. Because some of my lymph nodes from my left side have been removed at my breast cancer removal operation.

Any failure costs me a lot for my veins on my right arm. Each time, a nurse has to look for smaller vain, assuming they aim for the most significantly visible one first.


Options my doctor offered me after my horrible experience at the 3rd chemo were going for a port or Picc Line. A port is an insertion for temporarily for months to years near by heart directly under my skin. It will show a bump on my upper right side of my breast as long as I keep it. Later, I will like to remove it, but I was concerned that will leave me another scar around my breasts. Because of my concern, a doctor recommended me for Picc Line. The Picc Line will be another type of insertion at my right arm. It takes only 15 minutes to insert. A tube will be inserted from near inside of elbow to near my heart through a large vein. Two tube tops will be hanging out from the insertion spot while I would like to keep them. Every other day, I will have to drain the tube for preventing blood clogging. Once I have one of them, I don’t have to rely on a nurse for IV injection each time.

Images of the port: (source)


I was informed about the Picc Line option 2 days before my 4th chemotherapy. I made an appointment for the following day, a day before the chemo. Over night, I thought of it seriously that I could not sleep well. It will be easier to deal with my chemo injections. It does not show outside as much as the port option. But I have to have the tube tops hanging around my arm for the next 2 months.


It was only after discussing my pros and cons with a specialist nurse for Picc Line insertion procedure, that I finally say, no, I would take chance to the IV tip insertion each time for the rest of my chemotherapy. After deciding it, I was so nervous. I was not sure I made a right decision to me. It was not easy for me. There was an old lady, who apparently came along with her cancer husband to the hospital, sitting in the room. She overheard our conversation. When I was done, she was right there and started to talk to me saying that it was not an easy decision to make. I could not help but cry for awhile in the room. I stopped by a lady’s room and fixed my make-up and left for Tuesday teaching that day.

The 4th chemo went smooth and I was glad to have made the decision not to do them.

[Day 14 after 4th chemo] Mild Nausea (anti-anxiety/nausea medicine at night). My legs have problems that I cannot walk well. I spend good amount of time in bed. This became my concern how I will be for the rest of my chemo. Burping. Appetite level is high.


その上、私は癌を取り除く手術の時に、左の脇の下のリンパをとられている。おかげで、私は今後一生、血液検査、血圧を測る、注射に点滴をうつ、どれも右手しか使えないことになってしまった。だから、1度2度と 貴重な右腕で失敗されると、かなり細い血管しか使えなくなる。一度失敗した血管にすぐ近くでつながっている血管は使えない。




当日、病院に出かけていって、専門の看護師さんと出会う。しっかりと、ピックラインの長所と短所を話し合う。忍耐強く私の質問に答え続けてくれていたし、彼の専門知識もくれた。結局、長い間話し合いに付き合ってくれた後で、私はピックラインもポートもやらずに いつもどおりの抗がん剤治療で毎回血管に注入してもらうという選択にたどり着く。

その部屋は 待合室だった。他にハズバンドのがん治療についてきたというフロリダ出身の年配の方がいた。もちろん話の一部始終が聞こえていた。私はソファーに沈み込んで、本当に正しい選択をしたのかと何度も自分に問い直す。その方と話すことになり、私は涙する。すごく怖かったし、正しいことをしたのかと不安感もいっぱいだった。気を取り直して、お手洗いでメークを直して 火曜日の授業に向かった。


[4度目抗がん剤後14日目] 少し気持が悪い(夜に抗不安・吐き気止薬を飲む)。ゲップ。とにかく脚が動かなくなってきた。片方引きずって歩いている。大丈夫かな。まだ2回も抗がん剤治療が待っているんだけれど。食欲が戻ってきている。ただ下痢している。





  1. かよこ



    • かよこさん。
      けんじさんとかよこさんが プロジェクト進み中で こちらも楽しみにしてます。
      家の中の よじ登り壁 子供達喜びそう。

  2. yuka