Day 6: Killing my time while healing

It was better, again, than yesterday. I really hope this improvement in the past Day 5 and Day 6 will be my cycle for the rest of my 5 chemotherapy. In the next cycle, I will be teaching on Day 6. When there is some “must do” things that I care, I should be able to pull myself together on Day 6, I can tell. The course is called Fashion Economics. It is a field of economics, but main theme is about fashion. I created the course outline, proposed to and approved by collage and NY state. It is brand new and only run for 2 semesters yet. This will be my third semester teaching that subject. This semester, it expanded into 2 courses. I am excited about it. I am the only one who can teach that course and no other economists can replace me. I must do it!

[physically] My body is 1/4 of my regular energy level. A light fatigue. Laying down most of the time. Nausea around lunch time and I took a medicine. No appetite. Never feel hungry without eating any snack during a day. Talking is not too tiring (it used to). I will contact doctor’s office tomorrow to inquire about my continuous spotty period, still going on. Today was it’s 8th day.

[emotionally] BORED. I feel like a day after my fever is gone after catching a cold (yes, that is more emotionally). Slightly positive. Comments and e-mails from friends made me smile :-)!

I am so bored, but I don’t want to be actively moving around. I tried to go out for a walk, but it started to rain and I turned around to head home. I finally cleaned our kitchen casual dining table. I did not realize but if I don’t do it, things just pile up! Dishes are served on top of them. Table glass was sticky, I could not stand it any more and I could move and clean it. I can see my husband is handful with taking care of me and our son while he does his job. I will do what I can.

My boredom set a light on my photography again today. I don’t want to walk around much. I am afraid of contacting many people as I am more prone to infection today. Photography requires some time and now it is a perfect time. I had not done that for awhile.

日本語で

昨日よりも、また良くなっていたので、この調子で ずっと 今回のサイクル後2週間、よく成ってくれるといいなと願う。次の抗がん剤治療のあとは、Day6に 仕事が入っている。今日の調子なら、気合さえあれば 乗り切れそう。何よりも私が作った 私のクラス ファッション経済学。私が行かないで誰が教えるんだという意気込みもあるから、きっと当日になれば 気力が支えになりそうです。今まで1学期に1コマ3時間で、2学期間教えてきました。今学期から2コマに増えたところで ありがたいことです。私がやらなきゃ！

[体調] 普段の1/4ぐらいの エネルギーしか ないかな。気持ち悪いのもあり。途中吐き気止め薬を1度飲む。相変らず 食欲一切なし。おなかがすかない。昨日よりも 体重が減っている。今日で8日目になるというのに 生理が終わらない。明日は病院に電話してみよう。

[心理] とにかく 退屈で仕方がない。（が、やる気もない。） まるで 風邪引いて熱が下がった朝のような気分。多少ポジティブな私。イーメールやコメントに にんまり。

あまりに暇だけれど、億劫で歩き回りたくないし、免疫力が少なくなっているはずなので、人にも積極的に会わず。歩きに出れば、雨が降ってくるので退散。食卓のテーブルが 手紙の類で山済みになっていて、その上で食事をしていたんだけれど、もう いい加減我慢できず、私が片付けた。ハズバンドは、私と息子の世話で手一杯。ありがとう。やれることはします。

いつも出来なかった写真をまた始めてみた。デジタルなのに5枚しか撮らなかったけれど、花に乗った水滴に感動できたことに感謝。久しく そんな視点でカメラ握ったことなかったもの。暇過ぎた所に光が当たった私のカメラ。それもありかな。