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Completing resolution of yr 2019. 2019年の今年の目標達成

Completing resolution of yr 2019. 2019年の今年の目標達成

My resolution for the year 2019, I have completed: I donate my hair with my own will. (日本語は英語の最後に) I do not have a definite chemotherapy plan for my recurrence breast cancer treatments, just yet. It is the only time that I can actually donate my hair “100%” because I wanted to do it. It is not because my cancer forced me to do it.

The last time I have donated my hair was in 2014 when I learned that I would lose hair due to chemotherapy. I hated losing hair, every minute of it. I did not even like the idea that I would lose it. So, instead of just cutting it off, I decided to donate it for wigs for cancer patients.

It has been 5 years since then. I kept telling my friends and family that I would keep my hair long so that I would donate. It was getting so long that I was tired of my non-style hairstyle. Just having long hair. I did not like it keep this long, it was all-natural., no hair dye. It has been 5-year plan, patiently waited for this moment. Today, I have accomplished it!

I feel so good about it. I am so proud of it.

Unfortunately, that length of my hair, most likely, I will never have that long in my future. I cannot live without treatments anymore, forever treatments. It is either cancer outlive quicker than me with medications, or still-in-progress or still-not-yet-born medications make advances quicker so that I can out beat cancer in the future (so far, it is a dream stage, not realistic, but who knows…).

So, as long as I understand, this length of hair, I will never have in my future, not to mention, it took me for 5 years… 5 years from today mean A LOT to me.

Join me and consider donating yours!



2014年に乳がん宣告を受けてから、36歳で 美容院でトリートメントするなどして、さらさらの綺麗にしていた髪の毛を抗癌剤で失うけど、先生に、まあ、髪の毛は後で生えてくるからいいでしょ。と片付けられて、泣く泣く、せっかく綺麗に伸ばしてきたからそんな髪の毛をドネーションして、ほかの患者さんの役に立ってもらおうと、「仕方なく」ドネーションをした。

そんな記憶を塗り替えるための 5年間、生えて来いと思えば思うほど 全然長くならない髪の毛に じりじり我慢を重ねながら、色も変えず髪の毛を伸ばしてきた。今日、晴れて、喜んでドネーションしました。すごく気持ちがいいし、そして、自分よく頑張った!

ただ、思いは複雑だ。ステージ4の乳がんに 完治はない。治療を始めて、効いている間はいいが、薬が効かなくなれば、ほかの薬に変えていく。そういうのを繰り返しながら、出来るだけ、みんなと同じ振りをして生きていく。癌が医療よりも進行が早いか、医療の研究がわたしの癌よりも進行が早いか次第。そして、後者は今の医療では無理で、わたしの夢なのかもしれない。