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Day10: “Food Looks Gray”

yoko katz October 18, 2014 0 comments

“Food Looks Gray”

This week, a typhoon has hit Japan and my parents who are helping me here were worried about their home in Japan. When my parents made a phone call to my aunt in Japan, I had a chance to talk to her as she was concerned about my progress.

I was explaining her how I had been making progress in my treatment plan and responding to the chemotherapy treatments. I told her that I could not taste well and I didn’t have appetite. Then she said:

“I have heard that food looks gray while chemotherapy.”

WOW, that’s it. That is not too far to describe how I feel about food these days when I loose appetite completely. No interest in food. Never get hungry, a part because my parents feed me on time without me asking for food. Even loosing over 10 pounds in a week, I don’t feel like eating anything. Eating becomes a duty.

I can still taste food a little as it supposed to be in brief moments when I chew. But taste weird at the same time. Eating something sweet is worst. I can taste some saltiness in sweet and I just cannot take it, especially when sweet supposed to be sweet such as cakes and cookies. Describing food while on chemo, “food looks gray” to me is not too far as a metaphor.

[Day 10] I am finally getting out of bed. Gradually, more time is spent on feet than my back. My legs get tired very easily. Somehow my feet looked so pale than pink. I started to spotting empty sites on my eye-lashes and eyebrows. I have been avoiding putting mascara on my eye-lashes while trying to keep them on me as much as I can.



おっと。なるほど、食べ物が灰色に見えるというのは言い得て妙なのである。抗がん剤の副作用で、私は味覚をなくしている。全くなくしているわけではないのだが、口に入れて咀嚼する瞬間に 記憶している食べ物の味が一瞬する。後は、舌触りもおかしい。一週間で5キロ体重が減ってしまっていても、おなかがすかないし、料理の香りがしても 全く食欲はわかない。特に甘いものを食べると しょっぱい味も同時にする。それが悪くないときはいいのだけれど、ケーキやクッキーというのは、大体が甘いものであるという私の固定概念もあるから、しょっぱいケーキは食べたくなければ、栄養素的にも無理やり食べる必要はない。というので、食べ物が灰色にみえるのでしょう?というのは ふむふむ、まさにそんな具合だと思うのである。

[10日後] やっとベッドから出て、足で過ごす時間が増えてくる。ただ、歩くのはすぐに疲れる。足に血の気がなく、ピンクでなく、黄色で透明感がある。眉毛やまつげが とうとう隙間が出来てきている。マスカラをつけるのは 避けてきたんだけれどな。