Day 4: Finding about Steroid Pill Power

Today was better than yesterday.  I wake up fine, some fatigue, but not as bad as yesterday.  No nausea.  Good start.

But, most of my day, I was lying down.  That was the most comfortable position I could take, while texting and browsing websites with my cell or watching movies.

In the afternoon, a nurse from the chemotherapy unit called me to check on me.  We went over how I felt and confirmed this has been perfectly normal reaction.  She assured that the chemotherapy I had was a strong one, and I should take things easy.  Don’t over do anything.  She told me to expect a very similar reaction cycle for the future 5 sessions as well, and plan accordingly.  (My relative-in-law told me the same, too! Thanks.)

One thing I found very interesting from the conversation is the reason I felt relatively fine on the first and the second days of the chemotherapy.  It was a set of steroid pills, Decadron, that I took for over three days, a day before, during and a day after chemotherapy.  The nurse told me that once the Decadron’s effect is gone, then I must feel exhausted.  The whole thing made sense now!

On Day 2, I could go out for the farmer’s market, only because I had that medicine. Wow, that medicine is powerful, then.

 

[physically]: Not as bad as yesterday.  Fatigue. No appetite. I don’t get hungry.  I eat, only because it is time to do.  Last day of my period.  Before going to bed, I became nauseous.  I took Lorazepam for sleep.

[emotionally]: I became sad about my appetite.  I used to be such a foodie.  There was a time that I thought I was living for food.  Now I eat food for living, period.  It is sad to realize that I don’t have anything in my mind what I want to eat.  Food seems to be out of picture, no joy comes along.  Now it is obligation to have something nutritious to sustain my life.

日本語はこちらから (For Japanese, click Read More) Read More

Day 3: after my 1st chemotherapy

14878362712_a0907e7293_k

Honestly, I did not like the way I was today at all.  All I could do was just lying down.  I could not get up.

I wake up feeling nauseous.  My husband brought me an anti-nausea pill.  I was too tired to even ask him for the pill.  I did not want to speak.

By the afternoon, I was tired of lying down in bed.  I spent some time lying down outside, just to change the air.  Then I went back inside to watch a movie.

[physically]  Exhausted.  No energy.  No appetite. Lazy to do anything.  Reconstructed left breast bothers me.  My left underarm does not have any sensation.  I started my period a day before chemotherapy, and it is still going on.  My pee is so clear.

[emotionally]  Realizing my condition, made me cry from time to time.  Feeling miserable.  I don’t know how to enjoy “not doing anything” in general.  Frustrating.  I was disappointed with me.  Life is not easy.  Down, down, down all day.

今日は、最悪な日。けだるさで、本当に動きたくない。朝から 胸焼け。でも、薬を取りにいくことも億劫であれば、ハズバンドにヘルプと言葉にするだけでも億劫である。とにかく 一日 ベッドやソファーに寝る 寝る 寝る。起きると気持ち悪いわけではないんだけれど、重力が地球より大きなところに来て、重力に抗えない感覚。

[体調] 疲れ。エネルギーなし。食欲全くなし。再建途中の左胸が気になる。本当に 綺麗になってくれるんだろうかなぁ。と不安。24時間ワイヤー入りのブラをつけていると さすがに 窮屈。脇の下の感覚がないので、気になって 常に触ってしまう。抗がん剤治療前に 生理が始まって、そろそろ 終わるのかな、当分 生理も来ないだろうな。あるべきものがなくなるのは悲しい。尿が 異様に透明。

[心] もう 今の自分を抜け出したい。悲しくなって 今日は 泣いた。暇はつまらないと思うので、何かしら動いていたこの私。体が動いてくれなくて 否応なく暇をさせられて それが苦痛。自分にがっかり。人生つらいなぁ。と 今日の心理は 最悪。

Read More

Day 2: after my 1st chemotherapy

DPP_0014651

AMAZING: I am talking to myself…  Day 2 of my 1st chemo, I was at a farmer’s market!

ぷぷぷ。自分でもうそみたい。なんと ファーマーズマーケットに 朝から顔出しちゃった。(写真で見ると 顔が はれぼったい気がするけど。)

I wake up around 9 AM.  My husband got me freshly made corn muffins from near by deli.  As I was eating the corn muffin, I was wondering who is going to get me fresh corns for me from a farmer’s market near by.

I asked my husband to go and get them for me.   Then wonder… maybe I can come.  So we went!

Fresh flowers, fresh bread, fresh veggies, fresh fruits and fresh fresh fresh.  It was so refreshing.

9時おき。近所で ハズバンドが 焼きたてのコーンマフィンを調達。コーンと言えばシーズン真っ只中。甘い甘い コーンが土曜日に開く ファーマーズマーケットで売っているんだけれどなー。 買って来てもらうのをお願いしたけど、調子も良さそうだったから 一緒についていってみることにした。近くだし、いざとなったら すぐに帰宅しよう。

DPP_0014644DPP_0014645

Read More

A Lifestyle Blog with Breast Cancer

A Lifestyle Blog

What!? I did not see that coming… -Breast Cancer-

In May, 2014 at an age of 36, I was diagnosed with breast cancer; Estrogen Positive, Progesterone Positive and HER 2 +3 with Micro-metastatic on 1 lymph node.  I am a Japanese, living in NY area with my husband and a son.  (Stage 1B.)   2014年5月、36歳、乳がん告知を受けました。エストロゲン・プロジェストロンホルモン & HER2 &リンパ1つに微小の転移ありです。(ステージ1B)