Day 9: A Healing Session
My friends visited me tonight all the way with a long drive (thank you!). They came to give me a healing session with their spiritual approach. It is their second time giving me their session, once I had after my surgery. （日本語は英語の後に）
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Day 7 & 8: after 2nd chemo
Day 7: DOWN in bed all day after teaching. WOW, it knocked me down. I felt so nauseous even after taking a medication. I had to call my doctor's office if I can take another kind at the same time, I am prescribed 2 different kinds. (Answer was YES!) I remember, the last cycle, I started feeling slightly better during day 7, and I took a short trip to the city. I took it easy and did not push that hard. but
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Day 6: after 2nd chemo - Teaching day
My 1st teaching day after my chemotherapy within a week. I still felt fatigue and I was nauseous in the morning. I took an anti-nausea medicine and I felt OK. I was in bed until I really had to get up to dress for teaching. Thanks to my parents for preparing chicken and vegetable soup. Although, no taste to enjoy it, texture was good to eat. I put my cloth, then a choice of my wigs... Well, I might as well do as bright as I can! Putting makeup and putting my wig, I totally look like a girl a la mode! When my outfit completed "me," my posture became great. I need to look proud how I dressed up. Fashion, give me power! I need it right now for teaching. So here I am, I look totally happy with how I am. I received a lot of complements all the time! People gave me big smiles as they pass me by. My colleagues thought I was just doing it for fashion and they really liked it a lot, and did not know my medical condition. So much fun. Those who knew my medical condition thought I pulled my outfit really well from head to toe. Teaching went well. I covered full course time, 2h and 40min. I was exhausted most of the time to walk around, but I just wanted to go around to communicate with my students to catch some issues they might have during class in exercises. Oh, I was nauseous. A way back to my home, a train ride was not pleasant. Full of people, I could find a seat to fit in. But I was nauseous all the day back. Once I am home, I washed my hands and cleaned my mouth well, I dived into a couch. I took another anti-nausea medicine. Time to go to bed! [physical] nauseous. I took anti-nausea medicine in the morning. No appetite, no taste. I was in bed or a couch as much as I could. [emotional] great! I just liked that there were moments that I was so confident of how I looked. It was fun. I am glad that the rest of the week, I will take a good rest.
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Day 5: after 2nd chemo cycle
Labor Day Weekend for BBQ! I did not have appetite, but my husband cooked steak for us and I could taste smoky taste. I could not really taste them, though. But I could eat a lot (-a little less than I normally eat). Thank you. [physically] fatigue. Nauseous as I get up or as I eat/drink something. I need to burp to clear that out each time. All day, laying in a couch. I was glad that I did not have to go for teaching today, it was off. Taste is gone. No appetite. My tongue has numbness sensation, just like after a dentist. My mom tells me I developed some red spots on my head skin. [emotionally] stable. I abundant an idea of moving around, then things look more optimistic. My husband seemed to be a bit stressed out today. I was not sure exactly why, but I was hoping it was not because of me... It was one of his rainy days today. My son was cheerful. He is ready for his new school year! I am happy to see him getting ready for it. Well, it is me. Intentionally, only putting in a small format. The picture was out of focus. Besides, I was not sure if you wanted to see me in this style much and being very casual at home. I understand a bald style provokes cancer image in some way.
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Day 4: after 2nd chemo
[physical] fatigue -whole day in bed. nauseous in the morning, which I took a medicine for and it was mild afterwords. It started to come back, no appetite, and I lost taste today. Try to keep my mouth as clean as possible. [emotional] big relief that my parents came to support me all the way from Japan. Steady. My son was helpful, and cheerful today.
Read MoreDay 3: after 2nd cycle of chemotherapy
I don’t know if those medical socks (in the picture) worked on my swollen…
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Day 2: after my 2nd cycle
Day 1: (for a record) [physically] I could move around, but by the afternoon, I took a nap. I felt some mild nauseous and I took medicine in the morning for that. I took anti-anxiety and anti-nausea pill before I went to bed. I can still taste food. Some appetite, but not my usual level. My feet swollen. I did not do it intentionally, but I took my steroid medication only half the amount I had to take. I did not realize I needed to take 2 tablets. A nurse told me "you cannot do that, medicines are there for reasons." I totally agree with her. I did not forget to take them. I remembered to take them on schedule. I just did not realize that I was taking only half of it at each time. There was a remedy, fortunately, and at the chemotherapy, they injected me with an extra steroid to compensate. The major reason to take the steroid sounded by the nurse was that to prevent permanent feet swollen which can happen to me. So, I was afraid. I remembered wearing a pair of special socks for preventing the swelling. I looked for them and I found them! I have been wearing them since then. [emotionally] I know what to expect. I dropped the idea of "I have to do," rather, I do what I can. Stable. Day 2: after my 2nd cycle [physically] My neck sours. My side of left breast reconstruction somehow feel pain when I push softly. I could move around. My nauseous is more severe. I took a medicine in the morning to prevent that. Most of the day, I was in bed reading or taking a nap. I guess, I taste food OK. Some appetite, I eat, because I should. [emotionally] Stable. I try to take things easy. I notice a lot of things to do, but try to ignore them. Some visitors at door, and I realized I should have a scarf or something handy to put it on before answering the door. Too tired to explain what is going on all the time.
Read MorePertuzumab - Perjeta-, a new medicine, finally for me!
A great news for me!!! My insurance company approved me to have a new targeted therapy called Pertuzumab, or a brand name called Perjeta! Now my chemotherapy treatment is : TCH+Perjeta : docetaxel, carboplatin, and trastuzumab (Herceptin) and Pertuzumab (Perjeta) for HER2/neu positive tumors The last chemotherapy, I checked in at 11:45 AM and I was discharged at 6:45 pm... exhaustive. Pertuzmab, US FDA approved the medicine only 2 years ago, 2012. It comes in IV injection at a time of chemotherapy. They call it targeted therapy rather than chemotherapy. Pertuzumab targets my HER2 breast cancer cells. Her2 is a protein and it can grow excessively around a cancer cell. The cancer cell grow quickly with the Her2. about 15-20% of newly diagnosed breast cancer patients have HER2 positive. HER2 is more aggressive cancer than hormone based cancer. It ranks aggressiveness and mine is the most aggressive kind, HER2 +++. Other targeted therapy for Her 2 is Trastuzumab (or Herceptin). That was approved by the US FDA about 10 years ago for only advanced breast cancer patients and from 5 years ago, it was approved to use for early stage breast cancer patients. Trastuzumab and Pertuzumab target HER2 but a slightly different way. From medical researches, they found better prognosis and better recurrence rate if patients receive both of them, rather than only Trasuzumab. When I saw my oncologist for the first time, she mentioned of using Pertuzumab. I have read about it, but no other specialists had mentioned it before. Since side effects of Pertuzumab and Trastzumab are almost overlapping each other, adding Pertuzumab should not cause me extra stress. Day I called to make my 1st chemotherapy appointment, the doctor told me that she could not put Pertuzumab for me. My tumor was smaller to qualify for it. That was disappointing. When it is not qualified, insurance companies may not cover the drug and it would cost us quite amount of money. Over 3 days, I thought of it a lot. I started to look for information of the criteria. I went to see FDA website and pharmaceutical company's information. I stayed up late to do the research. It sounded I was at a border whether to be able to receive it or not. mmm. I was not satisfied, something was not that clear to me. I contacted my doctor's office and asked for more information about it. Later, according to my doctor's nurse, the doctor spent some time to write a letter to the insurance company for possible approval with my condition. We had to wait for the insurance company's response, which could take 2-3 weeks. Meanwhile, my 1st chemotherapy had started. I thought the new target therapy Pertuzumab had to be done at the day 1 as well. But I learned it could wait and I could start from later chemotherapy. Good, I hoped for a good answer from the insurance company. This past Monday, I saw my doctor and she told me that the insurance company approved the medicine and I will be treated with Pertuzumab! Thank you so much!!!! I would like to choose to have a better outcome after going through this. From the 2nd chemotherapy, 2 days ago, I now have the Pertuzumab as well. Let's hope for the best!
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Bald is my new style
After I came home from the chemotherapy, from my previous experience, I knew I may have 2 days that I can move around. Before sinking my body into my bed and rubbing my head against my pillow for a long time, I decided to take my situation under MY control. Instead of my falling hair to control my emotion. I was determined. My forehead hairline was moving backward. It was not true, if I say that was fine. It harts to see it's thinning. Courtesy of my husband for making me bald and courtesy of my son for documenting this moments, I became bald. Thank you guys! Some of the photos are out of focus, but great job, my son! It definitely captured the moments. Here are some of the documented photos, if you are ready. So, there you go, the bald is my new style for now! Maybe because I was at the chemo unit today at the hospital, somehow, when ever I see bald style women, I cannot help but to associate my bald image to cancer and nothing else. I am sure there are women out there being bald because they choose to do what ever the reasons are. Yes, it is emotionally not easy. In the pictures, I can see I was afraid at the beginning. Well, the machine makes a lot of noise and I was not familiar with it's buzzing right next to my ears. As time goes by, I look more comfortable. Putting this blog was not easy for me to review, but it should be well documented. I choose to be bald, it is under my control! I like that attitude! With this new bald style, it will be completely new experience to me. Many women with breast cancer go through this. I am hoping to deliver some messages that your appearance may have to change unwillingly due to cancer, but you can heal it physically and emotionally well with some help of fashion and attitude. Yes, there are moments that cancer haunts you, it has been happening to me, too. I am sure there will be days that I feel so depressed, well, in fact, I had panic attacks and was seeing a psychotherapist . But I would like to bring things together somehow so that I can get back to the woman I used to be, or even with more strength! I love you all, thank you for reading my blog.
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I will be checking in for 2nd chemo cycle today
I will be checking myself in for the 2nd cycle of the chemotherapy today. …
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Day 19: Vegetarian Restaurant GOBO in NYC
2nd day of teaching for my the other Fashion Economics course today. I teach the same subject Mondays and Tuesdays, 2 sections with two different groups of students. (Japanese Translation is later 日本語は英語の後に記述あり。) I don't know how other professors are, but when I go to a class room on day 1, I get anxious to find out how I do with a new group of students. Each group can be really different. I started to notice my heart beat goes faster than usual. That made me wonder, if I was doing OK. (and I was OK.) One of a side effects of my chemo treatment that is explained to me was I might have some heart problems. I did not ask exactly what or how it was. Because there were so many side effects that I did not have a capacity to comprehend all details of how each side effects potentially do to me exactly. Just understanding the list of possible side effects. A baseline of my heart condition test has done before my first chemotherapy. I will do the test regular to make sure I don't develop anything serious. Knowing that I may have a heart problem, faster heart beating makes me worried if I am doing OK. This time, I knew the reason of my fast beat and I was hoping that it was a separate incident from the side effects. It happens many times especially on the first day of teaching. Nothing serious happened, no worries. A visit to a vegetarian restaurant; GOBO in NYC (http://www.goborestaurant.com/west/index.htm) After the teaching, I got together with a good friend of mine. She introduced me to this vegetarian restaurant. She knew I wanted to catch up with vitamins and minerals with vegetables and fruits. A vegetarian restaurant!? sure why not. I have never be interested in going to a vegetarian restaurant myself. But if is for the first time, during chemotherapy sessions will be an ideal time to dine. WOW, it opened my eyes! What a great surprise I had. "If that is for everyday, I can become a vegetarian!" Clean, sleek, modern, but warm and cozy inertia decorations. Presentations of meals look very attractive. AND of cause, the taste and WOW, the texture of vegetables, bravo. The menu had mixture of Asian and Italian. Gobo, the name of the restaurant, comes from a root vegetable called gobo in Japanese, but the food was not Japanese. Soy bean paste pate's texture was just like chicken nuggets. King Oyster Mushroom had light cuts on surface and it's texture was just like squid. Seitan -wheat gulten, seemingly a good source of protein- was like a piece of beef. So interesting! I was really content of what we had. She told me that there are other restaurants like this in the city. Interesting. No reason to avoid vegetarian restaurants any more, I am sure some of them are so satisfying for non-vegetarians, too. Vietnamese spring roll: Home pressed ginger ail with pomogranate Soybean with brown rice King Oyster Mushroom with vegitables Seitan, Kale and coconuts rice Passion fruit creme brulee and chocolate cake
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Day 18: Teaching went really well
Day 18 after my 1st chemotherapy. (Japanese translation is at the end. 日本語での記入は英語の後にあります。） School has started and it was my first day of teaching for the semester. I had full energy today. Each class lasts less than 3 hours with a break in between. I started out as usual routine, introduction of the course. When I introduced my syllabus which include schedule for the semester, I made an announcement of my health condition to my students. I did my best to be honest about what is expected every three weeks after my chemo cycles. I explained what I experienced from the first cycle. There are some days that I won't be as energetic as I am today. I appreciate my students reaction that they all looked sincere to me. I am thankful for that. I am excited to be able to teach the subject! First day of teaching: Be active, when I can!
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Heal in Sneakers
It was my last day of summer 2014 with my son. Technically, for my…
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Good Nutrition, When I Can
Balanced meals with lean protein and a lot of varieties of veggies and fruits are the good approach even during chemotherapy. Many breast cancer patients gain weight because patients become less active during chemotherapy, while they eat the same amount of calories as they used to have. Or it is also being said that patient's friends and families bring over food to help her out. (Japanese translation is at the bottom. 日本語は英語の後に記入してあります。) My tonight dinner was perfect for me, an ideal one and it is food that I grew up with (almost). Thanks to my parents who set some of them aside in freezer in advance. For some of these, all I had to was to defrost or heat up. 1. black bean rice (whole grain) 2. Tofu with Myoga (Japanese herb) 3. Eggplant from today's farmers market with Bonita fish flakes 4. Hijiki (seaweed) with Fried Tofu 5. Burdock with Sesame 6. Zucchini Pickles with Kombu Seaweed 7. Chicken Lever (for a source of iron) 8. Salted Salmon with Shiso Herb 9. Miso Soup with Wakame (another kind of seaweeds) and Radish 10. Fresh Corn from Farmers Market I know that was ideal meal during chemotherapy for me - I mean with the quality of nutrition- it did not have to be Japanese meal. However, most of the time, I could not prepare or have meals in this way. During 3 weeks of in-between chemo cycles, for about 2 weeks, either feeling sick to cook, or having completely no appetite and what ever served, I ate as I could. Food became low on my priority list. On top of this meal, today, I received a surprise delivery. More great nutrition source came in just in time before the next cycle, which I cannot eat much at all for another 1 week. A beautiful bouquet of fruits from my relative lives at a distance (so many thanks!). Just looking at this gave me some positive energy. It was so fresh and sweet. This is the very short period that I want to catch up with my vitamins and minerals for healing from chemo and especially for my pimples, and for preparing for the next chemo. It was a perfect timing for me. I was feeling good enough to enjoy eating. [physically] great. Minor nausea, very minor. I was very active, before my next cycle. Farmers market in the morning. I took my son and his friend to fishing in the afternoon. They setup a tent in the backyard for a sleep over in the tent. I was thrilled to see my son having so much fun and enjoying a little piece of summer 2014. [emotionally] Feeling great. As next Wednesday seems to me right there, I felt like no time to waste...
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Breast Cancer in Summer 2014 with a Kid
For the last 3 days, I was doing fine. Not great, but just fine. Nausea had it's peek on 2nd to5th days after the chemotherapy. Today, not much. Occasionally, there was some moments I was thinking, "oh, I can feel it." It is extremely mild today. Once as I feel recovered, almost!, from the last one, now I can see my next chemotherapy 2/6, second one out of 6, coming up on Wednesday, August 27. Now I know how I will respond to it, I started to prepare for it, mainly 2 things I have to do before next Wednesday. 1: prepare for my fall semester teaching material. 2: Give my son some summer treat. Being a breast cancer patient while kids are still young, it is difficult to find a good balance. Here I need to focus on me, while it is recommended to maintain a kid's life as "normal" as possible. How do I do that? 1. Keeping up with daily routine schedule for a kid (my son 8 years old) I could not do it alone! If you are the one who manage, kid's scheduling, it is a good time to give the schedule to husband/partner/sitter ahead of time. Assure him/her to trying to keep it up with the daily routine as scheduled. Well, I still do participate, because I care about it a lot. But there were times, when I devoted myself studying about my disease and treatments. I also had to look for professionals whom I can trust. I needed to discuss or just talk with my family and friends over coffee or the phone for hours (in total) to search for different opinions or just for comforting me. I need to rest and recover. It has been so helpful when friends take my son out for a play date. Meanwhile, I can focus on me, not being a mother. No worries about snack or screen time. Keeping up with daily routine schedule for a kid can provides him/her a good security feeling. His mother might be fighting with cancer, but his life does not change, the same as before. The same old time. Kids can be also scared when their mother face possibly deadly disease. Mother's appearance may change, not being able to move around, or hair loss. 2. Planning play dates with his friends It looks to me he enjoys a lot to be with friends. Seemingly worrisome issues are discussed over the phone with specialists, insurance companies, and friends at home, when he has somebody accompany with him, his focus is on the play date. I made a lot of play dates during this summer. I could not really go for swimming while my son loves swimming, some friends took him for a pool. Those play dates have been helpful. 3. Unfortunate summer 2014. Mini trips, instead, when I can. We were initially planning to visit his grand parents in Japan for 6 weeks. We had a plan to sending him to a Japanese public school for 3 weeks. Unfortunately, I needed to cancel the trip. Instead, I had to face the cancer. I know that it is purely a social pressure, but when I hear other families go for VACATION, I felt sorry for my son. All 9 weeks of summer break, we are in town, wait, almost. I had my left mastectomy 4 days before my son's summer started. We just had to stay around. I wanted to take him out for some trips. When I felt good, I tried to take him out for mini trips. Some highlights are: We visited our friend's home in beach, a day trip. We took him out for a theme park. I took him out yesterday for an off-broadway, "iLuminate Artist of Light". (So much fun, I really recommend it. Visually so appealing. http://iluminate.com/artist-of-light/ ) Maybe this weekend, we will take him out for a hiking (before my next chemo and it is our last summer weekend). We enjoyed a lot. I just really wanted to provide him some summertime feeling. At least, it had been so helpful that my parents from Japan were here to help us out for about 6 weeks. That was fun for my son. Thank you, my parents! [physically] For the last 3 days, nausea had been almost unnoticeable. It is there though. Well... once I thought my period was over, it has still going on, very very light. It has been over 2 weeks. Pimples are there on my face. I gained back weight as my appetite is back. My left underarm has been numb since the surgery and it bugs me. I keep touching there lightly, hoping my nerve to come back some sensation. [emotionally] Sort of steady... I now started to feel annoyed that my next chemotherapy is right around the corner... Next Wednesday. My teaching is coming up next Monday, I am getting ready for it!
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My Treatment Timeline
I wanted to share my treatment time line for a reference. (Please read "important" at the bottom, if you are diagnosed breast cancer.) As many of breast cancer cases, I did not feel a pain or sick at all. I felt perfectly healthy, in fact, I thought I was one of the most healthiest, or the most health conscious person around me. One major different thing about the cancer from other illness is that removing cancer with surgery is only the very first step (note: some cancer requires chemotherapy before surgery). Many other treatments to follow in breast cancer. When I found about about the length of the treatment I had to have, I was daunted to face that fact. Previously, I never had surgery, I did not take any medications regularly, and I even did not take any vitamins because I self-studied nutrition and my meals provided me balanced vitamins and minerals. Day 11: Almost normal. I took a long nap in the afternoon. I also did another bike ride! [physically] I can feel a mild body ache from yesterday's exercise. I need some exercise. Mild nausea, but I did not take medication. I wake up feeling normal, but gradually my nausea reminds me that I am under chemotherapy treatment, (this is an improvement.) I had head ache and took Advil. My pimples are healing. I don't digest food well, food comes out from me recognizable (I tried not to be very descriptive). [emotionally] Very steady. I can predict the next cycles. Not knowing what will happen to me was a big fear. Next cycle, I might be a little better to handle the cycle emotionally.
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