Day 6: Killing my time while healing

It was better, again, than yesterday.  I really hope this improvement in the past Day 5 and Day 6 will be my cycle for the rest of my 5 chemotherapy.  In the next cycle, I will be teaching on Day 6.  When there is some “must do” things that I care, I should be able to pull myself together on Day 6, I can tell.  The course is called Fashion Economics.  It is a field of economics, but main theme is about fashion.  I created the course outline, proposed to and approved by collage and NY state.  It is brand new and only run for 2 semesters yet.  This will be my third semester teaching that subject.  This semester, it expanded into 2 courses.  I am excited about it.  I am the only one who can teach that course and no other economists can replace me.  I must do it!

[physically] My body is 1/4 of my regular energy level.  A light fatigue.  Laying down most of the time.  Nausea around lunch time and I took a medicine.  No appetite.  Never feel hungry without eating any snack during a day.  Talking is not too tiring (it used to). I will contact doctor’s office tomorrow to inquire about my continuous spotty period, still going on.  Today was it’s 8th day.

[emotionally] BORED.  I feel like a day after my fever is gone after catching a cold (yes, that is more emotionally).  Slightly positive.   Comments and e-mails from friends made me smile :-)!

I am so bored, but I don’t want to be actively moving around.  I tried to go out for a walk, but it started to rain and I turned around to head home.  I finally cleaned our kitchen casual dining table.  I did not realize but if I don’t do it, things just pile up!   Dishes are served on top of them.  Table glass was sticky, I could not stand it any more and I could move and clean it.  I can see my husband is handful with taking care of me and our son while he does his job.  I will do what I can.

My boredom set a light on my photography again today.  I don’t want to walk around much.  I am afraid of contacting many people as I am more prone to infection today.  Photography requires some time and now it is a perfect time.  I had not done that for awhile.

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Day 5: I feel a little better than yesterday

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Day 5: I wake up feeling a little better than yesterday.  I got up to do necessary chores, including eating.  Sadly, no appetite makes eating as a daily chore for now.  For a record, I lost about 4.5lb (2kg) since before the chemotherapy in a week.  A day after my chemotherapy, I was 8lb (4kg) heavier than today.  I don’t understand why.  Possibly, all the liquid that I took and they injected me weighted plus 4.5lb.  Over the course of chemotherapy, patients seem to put more weight on average.  I am guessing my appetite will come back before the next cycle (in about 2 weeks).  Let’s see.  I focus on eating mainly more lean protein, vegetables and fruits, and try not to skip Vitamin D & Calcium liquid supplement.

My husband took me out for a short walk.  Thank you for asking me!  As we got ready to leave home, it started to rain some.  Great… But that did not stop us from walking.  That was a nice walk and refreshing, and it was really short.  But it caused some mild nausea afterwards.  I took Metoclopramide, anti-nausea, medicine, rested in a couch and it went away.  No make-up, my hair is not really set… Oh well, at least I brushed my teeth.  I am afraid of saying it out loud, as a fashion fun, but that was not important today!

I noticed I started to get pimples around my nose and mouth.  I may have skipped some face wash in some mornings.  I know I did it before going to bed.  I will see how it goes.

[phsically]  Less fatigue than in the last 3 days.  Persisting lack of appetite.  I have been sleeping well at night, even if I take naps during day.  Gassy.  So many burping, I mean so many.  I took 1 anti-nausea pill.I still have spotty period, makes me concerned.

[emotionally]  Not bad.  Things are looking slightly more optimistic today.  I am concerned how I will be able to teach in 2 weeks.  I will have to manage the scheduling in advance to prepare material way in advance, when I can.  I just hope tomorrow will come a bit more brighter.

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Day 4: Finding about Steroid Pill Power

Today was better than yesterday.  I wake up fine, some fatigue, but not as bad as yesterday.  No nausea.  Good start.

But, most of my day, I was lying down.  That was the most comfortable position I could take, while texting and browsing websites with my cell or watching movies.

In the afternoon, a nurse from the chemotherapy unit called me to check on me.  We went over how I felt and confirmed this has been perfectly normal reaction.  She assured that the chemotherapy I had was a strong one, and I should take things easy.  Don’t over do anything.  She told me to expect a very similar reaction cycle for the future 5 sessions as well, and plan accordingly.  (My relative-in-law told me the same, too! Thanks.)

One thing I found very interesting from the conversation is the reason I felt relatively fine on the first and the second days of the chemotherapy.  It was a set of steroid pills, Decadron, that I took for over three days, a day before, during and a day after chemotherapy.  The nurse told me that once the Decadron’s effect is gone, then I must feel exhausted.  The whole thing made sense now!

On Day 2, I could go out for the farmer’s market, only because I had that medicine. Wow, that medicine is powerful, then.

 

[physically]: Not as bad as yesterday.  Fatigue. No appetite. I don’t get hungry.  I eat, only because it is time to do.  Last day of my period.  Before going to bed, I became nauseous.  I took Lorazepam for sleep.

[emotionally]: I became sad about my appetite.  I used to be such a foodie.  There was a time that I thought I was living for food.  Now I eat food for living, period.  It is sad to realize that I don’t have anything in my mind what I want to eat.  Food seems to be out of picture, no joy comes along.  Now it is obligation to have something nutritious to sustain my life.

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Day 3: after my 1st chemotherapy

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Honestly, I did not like the way I was today at all.  All I could do was just lying down.  I could not get up.

I wake up feeling nauseous.  My husband brought me an anti-nausea pill.  I was too tired to even ask him for the pill.  I did not want to speak.

By the afternoon, I was tired of lying down in bed.  I spent some time lying down outside, just to change the air.  Then I went back inside to watch a movie.

[physically]  Exhausted.  No energy.  No appetite. Lazy to do anything.  Reconstructed left breast bothers me.  My left underarm does not have any sensation.  I started my period a day before chemotherapy, and it is still going on.  My pee is so clear.

[emotionally]  Realizing my condition, made me cry from time to time.  Feeling miserable.  I don’t know how to enjoy “not doing anything” in general.  Frustrating.  I was disappointed with me.  Life is not easy.  Down, down, down all day.

今日は、最悪な日。けだるさで、本当に動きたくない。朝から 胸焼け。でも、薬を取りにいくことも億劫であれば、ハズバンドにヘルプと言葉にするだけでも億劫である。とにかく 一日 ベッドやソファーに寝る 寝る 寝る。起きると気持ち悪いわけではないんだけれど、重力が地球より大きなところに来て、重力に抗えない感覚。

[体調] 疲れ。エネルギーなし。食欲全くなし。再建途中の左胸が気になる。本当に 綺麗になってくれるんだろうかなぁ。と不安。24時間ワイヤー入りのブラをつけていると さすがに 窮屈。脇の下の感覚がないので、気になって 常に触ってしまう。抗がん剤治療前に 生理が始まって、そろそろ 終わるのかな、当分 生理も来ないだろうな。あるべきものがなくなるのは悲しい。尿が 異様に透明。

[心] もう 今の自分を抜け出したい。悲しくなって 今日は 泣いた。暇はつまらないと思うので、何かしら動いていたこの私。体が動いてくれなくて 否応なく暇をさせられて それが苦痛。自分にがっかり。人生つらいなぁ。と 今日の心理は 最悪。

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Day 2: after my 1st chemotherapy

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AMAZING: I am talking to myself…  Day 2 of my 1st chemo, I was at a farmer’s market!

ぷぷぷ。自分でもうそみたい。なんと ファーマーズマーケットに 朝から顔出しちゃった。(写真で見ると 顔が はれぼったい気がするけど。)

I wake up around 9 AM.  My husband got me freshly made corn muffins from near by deli.  As I was eating the corn muffin, I was wondering who is going to get me fresh corns for me from a farmer’s market near by.

I asked my husband to go and get them for me.   Then wonder… maybe I can come.  So we went!

Fresh flowers, fresh bread, fresh veggies, fresh fruits and fresh fresh fresh.  It was so refreshing.

9時おき。近所で ハズバンドが 焼きたてのコーンマフィンを調達。コーンと言えばシーズン真っ只中。甘い甘い コーンが土曜日に開く ファーマーズマーケットで売っているんだけれどなー。 買って来てもらうのをお願いしたけど、調子も良さそうだったから 一緒についていってみることにした。近くだし、いざとなったら すぐに帰宅しよう。

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A Lifestyle Blog with Breast Cancer

A Lifestyle Blog

What!? I did not see that coming… -Breast Cancer-

In May, 2014 at an age of 36, I was diagnosed with breast cancer; Estrogen Positive, Progesterone Positive and HER 2 +3 with Micro-metastatic on 1 lymph node.  I am a Japanese, living in NY area with my husband and a son.  (Stage 1B.)   2014年5月、36歳、乳がん告知を受けました。エストロゲン・プロジェストロンホルモン & HER2 &リンパ1つに微小の転移ありです。(ステージ1B)