Day 8:  Even better than yesterday.  I was slightly nauseated, milder than yesterday…  the level of nausea is like morning sickness.

I remember having this similar nauseous condition 9 years ago, when I was pregnant of my son.  Yesterday, our son’s piano teacher called me to check on me.  (Thank you!)  Her daughter and daughter in law went through breast cancer recently.  She described me “just like morning sickness, isn’t it?” when I mentioned about my nausea.  That reminded me a nurse with my oncologist had already told me about that, too, on the day of my chemotherapy.  At the hospital, there are 4 specialists stopped by and gave me so many facts and tips.  I totally forgot about that comment.  Yes, now it is like morning sickness.

This made me wonder a difference between a morning sickness of 9 years ago and chemotherapy nausea today.  9 years ago, when I felt my morning sickness, I felt sick, but there was joy underneath.  “Op, this is what it is like!”  I did not like it much, but I knew there was something precious I was growing.  I wanted it to be growing well.  I wanted to get over with it and wanted to meet our baby later.  Today, it is true… I have “Op, this is what it is like…” a very same impression, except tone is different.  I try to look for something to look forward to to go through this.

Once I get over this nausea:

1. “I will get back to my normal life!”

2. “I will taste my favorite food as it supposed to taste!”

3. “I will feel a big relief.”

I thought listing up would help me feel better, and had better attitude today.  Well, I have a mixed feeling about this.  I may succeeded to list up something positive, but at the same time, the things I am looking forward to are what I used to already have.  I don’t have them now.  Then… I look like victimized… and maybe I am a victim of the cancer…  mmm, Bummer.

[physically]: Constant nauseous.  Not much of fatigue, but I took a nap.  Some appetite is coming back!  11th day of my period. Around my nose and mouth, many pimples.  Edges of my mouth started ache, some small cut openings.  My mouth is sore with one white spot started to show up.

[emotionally]: Stable.  Some motivation started to come back to me again, which made me happy.  Started to concerned about my hair loss.  Will I be able to put together something look good on me with my new area of fashion: bald?

8日目。昨日よりもより良くなっている。でも「おぇ」っとなるぐらいに 軽い吐き気が常にしている。妊婦時の時のよう。





3.「やっと 終わった~」と すっきりなれる。

何か、楽しいことが待ち受けていれば、抗がん剤つわりも乗り越えられる と願って頭を働かせてみたものの。いざ、考えてみたら複雑な心境になる。3つとも、確かにポジティブなメッセージではあるんだけれど、これ今までしてきたことが、今できていないと確認をとってしまったようなもの。あーあ、これじゃあ、まるで癌の被害者じゃないか。いやいや、私は まさしく乳がんの被害者だ。あーーぁ、もういやだー!

[体調]:多少気持ち悪さはずっとある。意識がほかのところに集中できると 多少忘れる瞬間がある。今まで程の疲れはないが、昼寝をした。少し食欲が、わいてきた!たくさんのお味噌汁を久しぶりにいただいて、喜ぶ。生理が11日目。鼻と口の周りに、肌荒れ。口の両端が切れてきた。口内炎を一つ見つける。



8 CommentsLeave a comment

  • 今日の体調はどう?

    • Michiyo
      いつも ありがとう(涙)。
      最底は打って、このままだと 調子よく後10日ぐらい過ごせそうかなと思えてきたのがうれしい。
      まだ ひとつのサイクル(1抗がん剤を打って3週間)を終わらせていないので、どうかなと 思うけど。
      涙してくれて ありがとう。
      今日は、大丈夫だけれど、ここまで来るのに、かなり泣いてるの。想ってくれていて ありがとう。

  • 病気の被害者に、なりたくない気持ちよくわかるなー。

  • WoW. reading your Blog is so humbling and you are so Brave. I had no idea the chemo causes constant but maybe gradually less nausea. DUH! I just figured a few days and then back to normal like after a bad hangover or flu. But this seems to go on and on :0( I am so sorry for your constant struggle day to day. Maybe there is a positive from all this like you were talking about. Yes it is awful to have taken away from you normal day to day life. That is horrific for anyone. BUT! You will overcome and get that life back. And more importantly unlike the rest of us that take things for granted, you will be a woman whose heart has been changed from your experience. Your new appreciation for this day to day life will shine in all that you do and give hope to all the lives you touch! And THAT, dear sister, will make it all worth it. Love you Yoko Lotsa hugs – TESA

    • Tesa,

      I did not know either. It is gradually, but I experienced getting better and better over time. Day 3 & 4 were the hardest. Now I did overcome the first cycle, next one, I would be psychologically in better situation knowing that the tough time will be over some time and I did it already. I told my son where to get a good chicken soup around home. At next cycle, he is going to take daddy over there to get it for me :-)! Thank you for this warm message! With big love, Yoko

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